自从你离开后，部落格再也没更新了。
部落格里，满满是我和你的回忆，我也不想看见了。
我甚至不敢进入自己的部落格，以免触景伤情。
也许这是最后一次，为你而写部落格了。
这个帖子，命名最后花瓣，正如我的爱。
爱像一阵风，吹完他就走。
爱像一朵花，最灿烂的时候总会过去。
之后剩下的只是一朵不起眼快死去的花。
谁都不愿看多一眼。
直到最后一片花瓣落地，归土成肥。
孕育下一朵花的灿烂。
我会记得我们那一朵花的灿烂的。
你离开后，我自暴自弃，失去了从前那个理智乐观的自己。
也许是爱得太深，而无法自拔。
到现在，我都不能理解为什么会那么爱你，只好说，这是天注定的吧...
你的离开，是我今年度最重大的打击，那么的突然，我真的喘不过气。
但是一切都不重要了。
因为你离开，已不是我的你了。
曾经的我，曾经的你，曾经的我们。
现在的我，现在的你，现在的我与你。
你离开，我不惜一切令自己分心。
我说出了很多难听的话，目的是让自己好受一些。
但是这些难听的话，好像毒品般，只让我有一时的快感。
事后，再度慢慢得侵犯我的思想，再度让我痛苦。
这些，已不是绅士行为了。
而我，也再度因你而打破了我的原则。
我对不起你，更对不起我自己。
如果你真的要打我，这一巴掌，我受得起。
我错怪了你，以为你做的都是错的。
大家都没有错，因为爱情是不分对错的。
爱情是两个人的事，一味的付出到最后付出的那个人也会很累。
如果你心不在我这里，我付出再多，始终都没意义。
我对你说，我可以的，请你说出真相。
而你，对我说出的每一句都是你辛苦篇出来的谎话。
由于我对你的信任，我都信了。
事候，总能发现你说的，每一句都是谎话。
你说谎，是希望我永远都不知道那个真相。
你说谎，是希望我不会伤得那么深。
但是，你说的谎，我都发现了。
也许你很高兴我了解你，但你很伤心，因为我勉强自己相信了你的谎话。对吧？
其实，事实很明显，我是完全不能了解你。
你是女人咧！我那里可能可以了解到你？
然而，我尽力了。
自残，这个是你永远不能用常理来解释的。
对一个自残的人来说，自残的意义非常重大。
不是只为了一个人而造成的。
也不是真的让血代泪流那么的简单。
自残，是在身体的表面做出你在我们内心造成的伤一样。
自残不是不自爱，自残的人往往比任何一个人都更会自爱。
只是那一瞬间，我们打算把爱搁置罢了。
自残因人而异，请你明白。
借口，这是你读完自残后所想的。
我跟你说过，借口不一定是坏的。
理由跟借口只是一线之差。
世上没有绝对的事情，是看你肯不肯去扭曲罢了。
挽留你的时候，我不停的在把道理扭曲，就是证明。
戒指，这是一切的开始。
你知道吗？那个时候，戒指主人的候选人有三个。
到最后我选择了你。
戒指我是不会乱给人碰的，尤其是女人。
除非那个女的，我已决心不会爱上她。
戒指的意义重大，所以你离开我以后，我选择要回来。
表面的意义，是爱。
真正的意义，是承诺，是我的心。
隐藏的意义，是永恒。
还记得我跟你说过，戒指上刻有你吗？
是真的，很可惜，你到最后都没找到对吧？
其实当你手上拿着戒指，戒指的倒影就是你了。
看？我没骗你吧？
最灿烂的那个画面，在Boston喝着蓝色幽默的你。
依然还有你最优美的画面在我脑海里。
你在叹茶屋做着数学，很认真的那几秒，是你最诱人的一面。
你在戏院拉着我手，躺在我肩膀。
你咬我的手，咬到以整只手都是你的牙痕，痛却幸福。
我在练体能的时候，不停叫我别累坏自己。
打电话给你，我说我爱你，你悄悄回答：“我也爱你哦。”
走街，我跟你走，你却跟我走，两个人傻傻走一整天。
在Popular跟你一起读爱情课本，傻笑。
送你到你家，你在你家门口对我挥手。
在一起的第一次，送你回家，你用手比我爱你的信号。
两个人在公园，四处望，趁没人你吻我一下。
我说我不要，给回你，趁机又吻你一下。
你看到动物都说可爱，都要多望几眼。
你跟它们玩，我在旁边看着你傻笑。
你要我背你走马路，我不理车子在马路中间背着你跑。
跑到了公园陪你荡秋千。
我说我哪里痛，你帮我按摩。
说真的，我们的回忆，说得完吗？
想念星期四，星期六。
这两天是特别的。
星期四，什么好事都发生了。
星期六，什么坏事都发生了。
曾经的星期四，放学后牵着你在广场瞎逛。
曾经的星期六，一早去学校接你。
曾经的星期四，抓你到我家温习功课，结果在看鬼戏。
曾经的星期六，在公园谈心事。
曾经的星期四，一定会得到你鼓励的香吻。
曾经的星期六，你背叛了我们的诺言。
现在的星期四，以个人在家度过。
现在的星期六，依然早起，然后对着天花板发呆发到十一点。
我的世界，因为少了一个人，空虚了。
戒指回到了我的尾指，仿佛一切只是一场梦。
我还依依不舍这一场美丽的梦。
你都离开了这个梦，我一个人留恋有用吗？
那一天的那个承诺，一年。
我不知道要怎么说。
是一场连你也不看好的试练。
当初你也不该提出的。
追你的三个月，我最主要是在确认自己是喜欢还是爱。
是爱。
我以为我出现的时候刚好。
我错了。
承认吧~ 你依然忘不了你还放不下的那个人。
但是，谢谢你给我这些回忆。
过去的都过去了。
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解。
但是我却没勉强自己爱上你的一切。
你的一切，我已甘心接受了。
如果你快乐不是为我。
放手，是拥有最好的证明吧？
世上有多少事是尽人意的？
多像讽刺，似成长的苦恋故事。
感情勉强不来，我也不会逼你了。
男女还不是一样？爱犯贱。
感觉是自己的。
左手肩膀上为你划的两刀，使你一开始伤的。
一道为失去的承诺，一道为失去的爱情。
在最深的那一道伤口上，我故意划多一刀。
这一道，意味着你在我旧伤上添了新伤。
也是我最后会为你而割的了。
我仍然抱着一线卑微的希望。
但是也不敢强求了。
那一个答案你还没给我。
没有期限的，你要想多久就放心想。
还是那一句，要好好照顾自己。
说我傻吧！我就是那一个笨蛋。
依然还是。
一切如果从新来过，我依然会爱上你这只伤我的猪。
以后的事，没人知道，但是你一定要加油！
我，祝福你与他。
真心我付不出了，因为我的真心还在为你而哭泣。
我与你也许始终不能相爱。
着一种情，可弃也可再。
我用心爱，期待下一段恋爱。
尝试爱上另个女人，我也试过。
暧昧，接触，始终没有用，我的真心还没放得下。
爱，一直都没走开过我们。
只是我留下来。
你，却离开了。
希望，我们依然是朋友。
我已不再需要身份了。
最好的身份，非朋友不可。
听说，分手后的可以成为朋友是最真心的。
我爱你，开始累了。
但是还不肯放弃呢~
我真的真的疲倦了。
写完，我终于笑了。=)
加油吧！
绝笔。
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
10:49 AM
10:49 AM
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Yeah tranquiliser!
I love me~
Why am I just so perfect.
Maybe my face is bit twisted.
I sweat alot.
No money for neatness.
I'm smart !
You cant buy that.
Overwhelming narcissism!
I created me.
I created you.
I created every fucking little thing you can see!
You better start worshiping me.
OR YOU WILL DIE A VIRGIN!
I'm just joking.
I'll make you DIE 1 MINUTE BEFORE YOU CAN LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY!
TAKE THAT YOU MEANIE.
I'm better than god.
God is gay.
God is still a virgin.
IF THERE IS GOD, EXPLAIN SEX!
THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD.
TRY THINKING HOW DID HE MADE THE CONCEPT OF SEX!
I'm smart I know.
Start believing I am GOD.
I'm starting to believe that too.
I wrote fate.
I wrote history.
I KNOW!
YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I MADE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A PILE OF CRAP!
I CANT BE TOO PERFECT RIGHT?
I MADE MYSELF A MORTAL.
RIGHT AFTER I FINISHED MY JOB PLOTTING THE DESTINY OF EVERYTHING!
Smart aren't I?
I know I am.
Stop being jealous.
I'm the best ever is and no one can ever beat me
I don't really have a rival.
No FUCKING ONE IS WORTHY.
Well maybe there is.
When I found someone who thinks the same as me.
WE COMPETE WHO IS GOD!
DIE DIE DIE.
YOU CAN'T WIN!
Love is something I invented to screw myself up.
I did!
How perfectly the plan went!
If you LOVE SOMEONE.
YOU FELL INTO MY INVENTION!
Nyah~ Bored.
DIE DIE ~
EMO =D
My world turned black and WHITE @
9:22 PM
9:22 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2010
To the ones loving, every little thing the loved ones do, matters dearly.
I don't know accurately what you are thinking, but I know accurately, I'm thinking of you.
You already knew how important you are to me. Trust me, you're more important than that.
Every little thing you do with me, I always remember them as clear as last minute.
Every close moments, I enjoy your scent while smiling.
I know we are not to show our relation in public, but I wanna show that you're mine to everyone.
I care for your everything, more than I care about myself.
I won't mind what people think about us, I mind what you think about me.
Whenever you think of me, I can feel it, do you know that?
When guys talk to you, I'm jealous.
When you talk back to that guy, I'm heartbroken.
When a guy messages you more than I do, I'm furious.
When you reply his messages back, especially in front of me, I'm crying inside.
That promise was my primary goal deep inside.
I lose myself whenever thinking of you.
I trust you, but not enough, do something to make me trust you more, please.
I promised to not lay words more than friends do to other girls and I did.
Promises I made have my blood and life binded with it.
I love you.
=')
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
10:11 PM
10:11 PM
Monday, October 11, 2010
Day 1.
Make it short and sweet.
I am single.
I am NOT available.
I love her.
She love me. I suppose?
I don't have a girlfriend.
But I have.
A pig.
A mom.
A master.
A granddaughter.
A girl best friend.
An aircraft carrier?
And a girlfriend candidate.
Smiles.
Those that I bled for you.
Are worth what we have now.
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
2:50 PM
2:50 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Totally random.
Still frustrated.
I know love isn't what I should be frustrating for right now.
Heck.
I barely can recall what I was thinking 10 seconds ago.
My mind is always filled with something.
Kinder lusts that never felt.
Love's ash hurt my heart.
Thy word ignite my pain.
Hollow life lusts love kiss.
Eyes ears mouth never isolated.
Miracle lust.
Dreadful yesterdays.
Lingers life I live.
Possessed of your breath.
Tainted by vile's word.
I shall lust eternally.
Smile.
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
9:46 AM
9:46 AM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Day 5 without love/her. =)
Day by day sorrow grew without limits.
I can only look at what sneaked past me and sweep my tears away.
We talked.
I am happy.
I pretended I am happy.
We are just like when we both knew each other.
Day by day sorrow grew without limits.
I can only look at what sneaked past me and sweep my tears away.
We talked.
I am happy.
I pretended I am happy.
We are just like when we both knew each other.
Innocent, crazy, lunatic.
Yet, things aren't the same.
A wound.
Still there.
With a knife stabbed in it.
I dare not pull it out.
Maybe I should leave it there.
Or till the day, she should.
I miss her.
I still miss her.
I am missing her.
I still love her.
I love her.
What to do?
To believe or not.
Tears not needed.
I needed something.
Something I don't have and don't know.
Smile.
Its just so simple.
Despite the pain behind that smile.
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
8:55 PM
8:55 PM
Monday, October 4, 2010
听着 我以为-品冠
Listening to 我以为-品冠
This song brought more sorrow to me everytime I listen to it.
Its just like what happened.
I thought, I always thought, and I am wrong.
Let us see what this song is all about.
You once said, you never wanted me to worry. 你曾说不想有天让我知道
What you are with him is the past. 你对他有那么好
You knew that my sorrow.你说会懂我的失落
Cannot be cured.不是靠宽容
By my forgiveness.就能够解脱
I once thought.我以为
I came out at the right time.我出现的时候刚好
You are leaving him.你和他正说要分开
I once thought.我以为你
You never wanted to know more about him.已对他不再期待
And never let him affect you again.不纵容他再给你伤害
Chorus 1:
I once thought my love.我以为我的温柔
Can give you your universe.能给你真的愉悦
I once thought I could.我以为我能全力
Fill your hollow for love.填满你感情缺口
Always at your side.专心陪在你左右
To not repeat what he did to you.弥补他一切的错
Maybe I am just too naive.也许我太过天真
I thought miracle happened.以为奇迹会发生
I once thought that at last,我以为终究
You would understand slowly.你会慢慢明白
He never loved you.他的心不在你身上
And my love.我的关心
You never really considered.你依然无动于衷
And my thoughts, are just my thoughts.我的以为 只是我以为
Chorus 1.
Chorus 2:
He made you cry.他让你红了眼眶
But you forgiven him smiling.你却还笑着原谅
And you always knew.原来你早就想好
Who will you stay with.你要留在谁身旁
I once thought I am strong enough.我以为我够坚强
But more sorrow I felt everyday.却一天天地失望
Give less hope to me.少给我一点希望
Maybe my hope would just stay blank.希望就不是奢望
In the final second.
I still thought that you'd know.
But I knew I am just lying to myself.
You'll never come back.
=')
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
4:03 PM
4:03 PM
Sunday, October 3, 2010
好心好报
作曲/编曲/监制:雷颂德
填词:方杰
Alex:
落力为你好 得不到分数
你决定要跟他日后同步
他不懂爱惜你 我乐意操劳
Stephy:
我决意爱他 祝我愉快吧
你最明白我痛极亦留下
伤得很重也不怕 我愿意等他
Alex:
还看著你(他会感动吗)看你在悬崖走路
他却放下你(他已跑掉吗)只照顾自己
Stephy:
我惯了爱他你怎样做
在悬崖还是我无退路
*
Alex:
对你好 无人稀罕我好 无人欣赏我好
原来你习惯他一套
从来没有爱我 看得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好
Stephy:
他 从来都比你差
仍然死心爱他 垂头再度听他欺诈
祈求他说 爱我 为何尚未等到
可能 这秒时辰未到
(
而明知你 爱我 我竟扮未知道
好人 恕我未能做到
)
Alex:
最受罪也好 听听你哭诉
你说难过总比分手更好
Stephy:
我说几多的女主角 也受过煎熬
Alex:
情况坏到(他也许做到)你信任来年一日
他答应做到(他也许做到)统统都做到
Alex/Stephy:
我也似你的无从劝告
宁愿牺牲都不愿却步
repeat *
Alex:
你当我是知己 我看得到
我当你是一生前途
Stephy:
彼此也是沉迷盲目控制不到
Alex/Stephy:
怎么好都等不到
Alex:
怎去做 无人珍惜我好 无人喜欢我好
原来要学会他一套
从来没有吻过 记得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好
Stephy:
好 从来都知你好(未够好)
为何他不够好(我不够好)
原来我又与他拥抱
Alex/Stephy:
仍然相信 我会有好心得好报
可能 到某日会知道
很特别吧？
我们恋情的结束，这首歌的歌词写得很明。
只是，我依然还不肯放弃你啊...
你是他的人了，但是我还甘心继续做你的人。
曾几何时，我也变成了爱情的败将。
你说我不够了解你，你错了。
一个我不了解的女人，我宁死也不会去碰。
既然你可以为他而背离诺言。
我也一样可以为你破了我的原则。
就今天，我不守原则。
宁可不休，心碎把就。
他对你怎样我就对你怎样之类的，我是做不到的。
我只知道我可以对你比他对你更好。
无赖的在发泄。
赖亦有道，无可奉告。
决定权始终在你手中。
为你放下尊严，也是我最后的筹码了。
你不知道的事，还真的很多。
只是你没注意到我都在一一注意及记下。
只有你，可以令我做出我认为我从来都不可能会做的事。
哈哈哈哈哈哈~
希望来得及，但也许也是结局了。
你知道EMO用华语打出是什么吗？
恶魔.绝笔。
My world turned black and WHITE @
8:35 AM
8:35 AM
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Day 51 of relationship, and the end of it.
Maybe it was me.
Or maybe it was her.
Don't know.
I couldn't cry.
May it was too sudden and I was unprepared.
Get over it.
Wait... Does this mean I have to hate my birthday?
And what am I going to tell my penis?!
Why do people mostly ask WHY? or WHAT HAPPENED or both ?
Bored.
Sad
Sad
Sad
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
8:08 PM
8:08 PM
Friday, October 1, 2010
Day 50 of relationship.
With eyes, ears and heart.
Simply a perfect day to start the month.
Having moral test in school.
Technically, I finished it.
Logically and theoretically too.
Because I somehow cheated on that paper.
Lets stop about school life.
My blog is for more of MY life.
After school, baby came my house.
Just as me enter the house, down pours the rain.
Its raining cats and dogs.
I saw my umbrella fly around outside.
Lucky the strong wind did not blow it away.
I dare say that the wind can blow anyone below 70kg with a sturdy umbrella.
To say lucky or not?
There goes our plan going to the shopping complex.
The air is so cool, he have to hug each other in the room.
Now there, don't think anything immoral.
Nothing much happened except for some kisses or so.
Suddenly, trip goes the electricity.
Baby freaked and hugged me tight.
I was minorly shocked too(about the electricity).
But I'm kinda happy that the electricity tripped.
It always felt good to be hugged, right?
After that, I reconnected the electricity.
Then we watched a horror film named Rahtree Reborn.
Damn that was scary.
We both hugged each other tightly everytime the scene turned dark.
Why do everything scary have to happen in the night anyway?
And both of us were relieved when its daytime.
Guess what? She shrieked in a scene so loud my brother freaked upstairs!
Good movie, I knew what is was about, but I didn't really watch everything.
Come on, I was afraid.
I have watch-ghost-related-movie-phobia!
Then the rain stopped.
Have to send her home eventhough I didn't want to.
EMO
My world turned black and WHITE @
10:28 PM
10:28 PM